So unfortunately this week I have been locked away with the lovely Tonsillitis, I’ve been hiding away feeling super sorry for myself and wishing that instead of everlasting gobstoppers there was ever lasting ice lollies. Where’s Willy Wonka when you need him?
I feel like a bit of a fraudster I was telling you all how healthy and fabulous I was feeling but then I was struck down by the lurgy and I lost all of my fabulousness well not all of it, but some has definitely escaped me. I was feeling great I had my routine, I had energy, I had motivation and amongst all the craziness I had a sense of calm about me but now I feel completely zapped like someone has sucked everything out of me, this I can put down to being a little under the weather but one thing I have noticed is how anxious I have been since I haven’t been exercising there’s no calm the calm has gone it’s like I’m all tied up like a little jack in the box getting more and more wound up. Now the anxiety isn’t coming from oh my god I can’t go to the gym how will I survive it’s just everything seems to be that little bit more difficult than it was last week.
Anxiety is something that has been part of me for pretty much as long as I can remember I worry about everything, you name it I’ve thought it. I even had a phase where I wouldn’t drive because I convinced myself I’d crash and kill someone. Exercise was never something I had even thought of to manage anxiety I know that’s daft because we all know endorphin’s are released when you exercise and in turn it makes you feel a lot better as well as combating stress and depression. No idea why but I had just never put the 2 + 2 together before.
The past 4 weeks or so before getting poorly I was really sticking to my routine and the days I was hitting the gym for my classes or working on strengthening my back in the gym I felt a whole lot better. I approached situations more calmly, I had better concentration, more energy, there was no constant foot tapping or word vomiting all over the place. I have a tendency to ramble if I get stressed or uncomfortable it’s like a nervous twitch that I just can’t stop. On my days of exercise I felt I stood taller, I was more assertive with my actions, I was proud of myself I mentally high fived myself for getting up and running over to the gym on my lunch time and most of all I worried only about the important things not every little goddamn thing around me.
Today’s my first day of really starting to feel better the antibiotics are working and I finally have my voice back so I’m so eager to get back to working out not just because I want to lose weight but because I want my mind to feel the calm once again also in a really bizarre way and I’m surprising myself saying this I have really missed it.